sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Enjoy the penises
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
