It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
