eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
