I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
