I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
