where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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