I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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