Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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