Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
