i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
