My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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