You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
