Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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