a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
