I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
