she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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