Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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