dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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