They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
