and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
