used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
