It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
