The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
