He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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