you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
