He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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