I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
