69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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