Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
