my sisters under your porch take her home
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
