Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night

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(248): View more from Michigan

If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.

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(817): View more from Texas

No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.

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(775): View more from Nevada

"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me

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(540): View more from Virginia

I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing

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