Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
