Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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