similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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