I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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