Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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