Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
