Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
