You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
