The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this just has baby written all over it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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