so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
40s are totally the cure
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
