Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
