i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sarcasm needs its own font
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
