Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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