What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
