sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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