My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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