ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
