I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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