Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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