i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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