Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
