i think my mom watched the whole time
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
