I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
