I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we're so committed to being not committed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
