he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
