The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This baby is an asshole
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
