Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
