Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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