the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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