Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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