I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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