a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
