Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
