For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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