i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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