i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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