I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need a beard to bite.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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