Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
