I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
